John Howard's Page

I lived an almost charmed life for many years, hardly any real problems (although at the time I had a few irritations I foolishly thought were problems). About ten years ago all that changed .... I lost the person I cared most about in life, after almost two decades of happiness together, then I faced several fatal illnesses myself (Lyme Disease, West Nile Virus, etc) then lost nearly every one I had ever loved to either old age, cancer, etc, and a few other things as well.

It was as though life decided to see just how much I could take. Somehow I made it through, mostly sane and intact, although I wasnt always sane during the process.

I learned a lot of things. One that things always change ... if they are good, then will not always stay so, and if bad, Thank God, that also, will eventually change. I learned that I am tough .... that I am not a wimp, and I can put up a good fight if need be, and last that apparently there is some reason for me to still be here, because I have had several good chances to go if that was "The Plan."

Having survived so much has given me a lot more perspective than I ever had before. I was never a bad or selfish person, but I did not have the depth and the understanding that I now have. I wondered how this very hard-won understanding could be of any use to anyone. I eventually found out.

Right after Hurricane Katrina I found a way to use what had come to me at such a dear price. I became the Program Evaluator and Director of Compassion Fatigue for Project Recovery, which was Mississippi's Federal Grant program to help our Hurricane Katrina survivors, and through that I was able to directly or indirectly help over 450,000 people.

I realized that what I knew had relevance to them, even though my situation was totally different. The people trusted me when I talked with them. They could tell I was a person who had been pushed to the brink of destruction and had somehow found his way back. It did not matter that what threatened to destroy me was totally different.

Honestly, there is not that much difference in how different human tragedies are approached. Each situation has its own unique slant but to a very large degree they are much the same. Hurt is hurt, and pain is pain. And we all struggle with how to survive situations that seem too big for us. We are temporarily overwhelmed and wonder how will we survive. We may question things that we have always known or believed. We may question God, or who we are, or most anything else we've always been sure of. Then we will begin to pull together all our resources ... friends, family, churches, etc. After we come out of our stupor, and that itself takes quite a while sometimes, we start digging down deep within ourselves to access our own strength.

We all have a strength that we may have never known we had. There is a saying 'You dont know how deep the well really is until it has been fully plumbed.' Most of have never needed all that we are capable of. We learn that we are much bigger, deeper and tougher than we ever knew. We learn that we ourselves are one of our greatest resources! In addition, many of us lean on a Divine Resource and gain a strength and comfort through that as well.

We learn to more fully value and treasure each day. It is almost like your tragedy has let you in on something that other people dont know. But, it's an Open Secret. You hear it all the time, but very few live it. Most people see today as just a road to tomorrow or next month or next year. Many people are rushing about, filling their lives crammed full of activities, but have actually forgotten to LIVE. They are not really living today. They are sort of "getting ready" to live.

People who have faced, or are facing life-threatening situations, seem to know that Today is the Gift, not tomorrow, or some other time that may or may not ever come for us. We learn to live, and to appreciate, Each Day!!!

After about seven horrible years things turned around for me and a period of prosperity came about. Things went nearly as smoothly and as well as they had gone wrong before. That lasted for about 3 1/2 years.

My situation changed again for the worse about 18 months ago, and it has been a struggle for me since then. But, I find comfort in several things. I know that I am tough. I know that I have a lot of survival skills. I know that things usually change eventually. And I know that I am a Child of God, and if things do not change for me, that I will continue to praise Him and seek His Guidance and wisdom and comfort.

I do not believe that God has promised to keep all bad things from me, but I do believe that He will be with me through them, and give me strength to bear up under them. I also believe that just because I cannot see the whole plan at this time, does not mean that there isnt some sort of plan at work.

I also do not expect to fully understand the plan. If I understand enough to know what I am supposed to be doing Right Now, I am lucky. And, after all, Right Now is all I can do anything about anyway,

I believe that one of the reasons I survived the things I did was so that I could be a help to other people struggling with desperate situations. I try to be aware of whenever I see some way that I can help my fellow man. I believe that happiness is a choice, not a situation. It may be easier to be happy in certain situations, but still one chooses his attitude, and I have seen many people in dire situations who were happy nonetheless.

I am here because I care about people. I felt a 'pull' so to speak to come to this site. I am not completely sure what the purpose is other than to pray and say I care.

I also made a song. It is my Prayer of Comfort, Wisdom, and Direction for all who are Facing any sort of Mountain and seeking Strength and Assistance to Climb it. I made it the day after I found this Site. It was mostly made for the people here. I also made it for myself .... I need it, too.

If you would like to see it, here is the link: http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/bbcc9bc2

I pray for God's comfort and blessings on everyone who comes here.